Squid of Man

Wow. I've seen some cool Nintnedo-related stuff over the years, but a Japanese comic detailing the "real" story of Mario & Luigi just takes the cake. Allow me to both translate and provide a brief plot synopsis:

Here we see a young Mario, understandably upset that some shifty Italian travelling salesman is getting all the pussy, and all he's left with are lonely, tear-soaked evenings receiving cheeky blowjobs from Yoshi. Over a strangely sauceless plate of spaghetti, Mario swears that one day, he too shall savour the sweet, sweaty delights of Italian cunt.

Nine years later, and....things aren't going too well. Mario has joined a gay dance troupe along with his brother, Luigi, and perform daily for peanuts, drink tokens and soiled womens underwear. Things start looking up, however, when Arsenio Hall, spurred on by the ravings of an ageing Japanese man (and Mario's enormous erect cock), signs the super siblings to a movie deal.

Their first movie is a big hit, and the brothers dreams are coming true. Pussy, cocaine, limousines, the works. It also appears Mario is not only popular with the ladies, but also small zombie children and a boy with an unnerving fascination with the plumbers "package". Incidentally, Giuseppe Buffon, Mario's long-time driver and confidante, would go on to beat the manslaughter charges stemming from the hit-and-run deaths of the two boys in front of the car.

These days, the brothers are living the good life. Mario is married to Princess Peach and has a human toilet, in which he shits frequently, Bob Hoskins plays to rave reviews as Bowser, and Luigi fucks the Princess on the sly (or whenever a coke binge ends with her unconscious, and unresponsive, on the floor). An empire is built, and a boyhood pledge is fulfilled. Good. Times.

[Thanks patrickmacias]