Squid of Man

Jim Guigli, a retired mechanical designer and dementia sufferer from California, won the Bulwer-Lytton literary parody prize this week.

I've never heard of this "accolade", but it's apparantly a contest where people win prizes for making up the worst shit they can think of and sending it in. Guigli's winning entry was this:

"Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean."

That is awesome. Like Max Payne-meets-Sin City awesome. I await the furious bidding war for the movie rights.